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Whether it's tension or distance, it doesn't feel good. And let's be real - the fight about the dishes in the sink, isn't really about the dishes in the sink! There is so much miscommunication that occurs in a relationship that feels stuck. Each partner ends up feeling triggered by this stuck place, and (I believe) does their best to cope in the moment. But if we have only known how to cope on our own, we revert to habitual strategies that send a confusing message to your partner (i.e. I am telling you I'm angry about the dish in the sink, but what I really feel is that we are not a team, and I am feeling lonely). What we really need (and even deserve) is to be supported in our painful places by the one we love. That is what Emotionally Focused Therapy is all about: making your message clear in these stuck moments and to be able to ask for or offer loving support. As humans, we all deserve to feel loved, accepted, held, in our worst moments.

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Kids are more likely to get the help they need: to be held and emotionally supported with compassion. We all need this same support and care. Plus, just like the child in the video above, we are able to move on more quickly to something else when we feel understood. There's a part of you deep down that knows compassion is exactly what you need in these difficult moments. So how do you turn to your partner and ask for it? 

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This is where I step in. Asking for what you need is risky. With my help, we create safety, and we slow down these moments to make space for this intimate conversation. 

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