Dump the Story

Written by Kiri Jimerson LCMFT Couples Therapist and Psych-Energetic Relationship Consultant

When we are faced with a challenging situation, our focus naturally narrows. We can only see our own version of the problem. Your nervous system does this to protect you.

The trouble with this narrow focus is that from this restricted view, you only see option A as the solution. You totally miss options B, C, D, E, and F because they exist outside your current frame of reference. 

When you shift your focus to what you want, your frame widens. Suddenly, more possibilities become available to you.

Have you heard of the Law of Attraction or seen the movie, The Secret? The movie popularized the Law of Attraction: the idea that our dominant thoughts, emotions, and beliefs influence what we experience in our lives. It encourages us to focus on what we want, rather than what we fear.

I was intrigued by the Law of Attraction when I first heard about it, but for a long time, I believed there was something blocking it from working in my favor. Difficult things just seemed to happen to me. 

But I have a story of the first time I can clearly remember the Law of Attraction working in my favor.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday.

“I’m done.”

I finally said it.

After years of back and forth, indecision, and trying to maintain control, I let go of my grip on the relationship. I couldn’t hold on anymore.

There I was, terrified, but determined. My thoughts were swirling:

What will I do?

How will I afford the divorce?

How will I afford my life?

He comes from a family of lawyers – this will be messy.

What about custody? How can I share time with her when I’ve been single parenting most of her life? What will happen to her?

I couldn’t take a full breath. All the terror left lodged in my throat and chest. I couldn’t think clearly or come up with any solution. I was stuck in the story of the worst-case scenario.

Around that time, one of the healers I follow offered a free email series about becoming aware of the things we say, especially out loud. Her simple instruction was this:

STOP IT.

STOP IT anytime you notice yourself saying something negative.

The message was clear: STOP feeding the negative because negativity begets more negativity!

Sounds a lot like the Law of Attraction, right?

I was desperate to try anything. So I did.

Instead of focusing on what I feared, I focused on what I wanted as the outcome of the divorce:

-          To feel financially stable

-          To go through mediation, not the Court

-          For my daughter to have quality time with her dad

-          For her to feel supported through the changes

-          To collaborate as a co-parenting team

Almost immediately, I began noticing positive shifts.

Within six months, I felt like a different person. More calm, confident, empowered, and far more intentional about focusing on what I wanted.

At nine months:

I feel confident about my work and earnings

We are finishing mediation amicably ( we literally high-fived the other day 😊)

Flori enjoys half of her time with her dad

Flori is supported emotionally by both her parents

My co-parent and I are working better as a parenting team than we did when we were married

I got what I focused on – and more!

What I’ve learned is this: when you focus on what you want, you widen your view. When your view widens, more possibilities become available.

You're journey will look different from mine. Maybe you will rekindle your connection with your partner, or maybe not. Either way, you become a happier, more whole version of yourself.

I am sharing this story because what began as a terrifying leap of faith to get rid of the upsetting stories turned into the most beautiful adventure I never imaged was possible.

And the best part?

The adventure is just beginning.

Dump the negative story, and open yourself up to a beautiful one.

*Consider Dumping Your Story with my support! Click here to be redirected to a free virtual dumpster for your negative story.